My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
