I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
