I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
