i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I love you.
Bad choice
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
