I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
