Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
PANTIES FOUND
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