Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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