Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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