Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
