he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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