Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
