It's Friday. Sex?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
