I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
