I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
