He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
