he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
