So drunk its hurt
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
