Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
