I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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