you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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