Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
