ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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