I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's shark week go big or go home
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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