ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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