She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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