I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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