what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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