plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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