Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
