I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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