she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize