ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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