Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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