you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
