I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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