I CAN MOONWALK!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
