I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
