My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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