The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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