And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I party with great urgency now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize