I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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