3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
