he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
