just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
