I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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