I got chris browned last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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