wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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