No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
