you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
