Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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