Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
