Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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