last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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