the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
