we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
