Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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