Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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