my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
