Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
