Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
where am i from again
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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