areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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