That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
