oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
