Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
